Frank Beamer announced that Tyrod Taylor has misplaced his red shirt and will now have to play football in 2008 whether he likes it or not.
Although Taylor was not allowed to speak directly to the media, he was overheard saying "I don't know what happened to it. It was right here just a minute ago."
Sean Glennon, rumored to be a quarterback for Virginia Tech, told Taylor, "Here, let me help you find it. "
Beamer made the announcement during an unusual mid-week press conference which is scheduled only when some disaster has befallen the football team that could affect his year-end bonus (normally every Tuesday at 2 pm).
Beamer: "I don't blame Sean for losing the game. Well, actually I do, because that's why I am replacing him. Besides, otherwise I would have to hold the coaches accountable, especially the offensive coordinator, which we don't really have one of so we use our offensive line coach. Anyway, the point is, we don't blame Sean. There is plenty of blame to go around for the loss on Saturday, especially for Sean. But Sean is a team player, and although he is disappointed, he wants to do what is best for the team, and right now, that is for him not to be on it."
Glennon, sitting across the room with his head down, looks up surprised: "What?"
Roanoke Times sports reporter Sandy Bling to Beamer: "So, when exactly did you decide that your strategy of benching your best QB was insanely stupid?"
Beamer: "We think we had the right strategy for the team we thought we had, but it turns out that team graduated in 2002, so we decided to make some adjustments. Michael Vick still has two years of eligibility, so we placed a call to his new school, State Prison University, but he has not called us back yet. In the meantime, we need some more playmakers in the backfield. Also, some running backs, wide receivers, offensive linemen, defensive linemen, linebackers, safeties, cornerbacks and kickers. We believe replacing Glennon with Taylor will fix all our problems."
Stinespring: "Yes, and now we can run the ball up the middle with seven different players instead of just six. This will no doubt put us in the ACC championship game."
Taylor (searching frantically): "Somebody please help me find that shirt..."
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3 comments:
I am sharing this with folks this morning. Thanks for the laugh (at the truth).
I really enjoyed reading this parody of the day's events. If only they could be as open with the truth...
Wow, another dimension to the suspense of what VT will do on offense in a given situation -- NOT! All our opponents have to do is go back to last year's films to see "VT is at 3rd and long, Taylor comes in to run to the right" or "VT is at 4th and 1 and Taylor comes in to scramble in the backfield before running up the middle" and set up their defense accordingly. What was it Beamer said, something like "we want to see Sean play in the NFL," right after kicking the poor kid in the crotch. Too bad it is the wrong time to transfer, Sean could probably earn a starting position at UVa . . .
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